Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Thoughts on Flattery

I have been remiss in keeping up with my unsolicited advice for straight women on how to date like a gay man. So, what better day then ‘hump day’ to carry on with my quest to save the world – one date at a time...until 12.21.12 of course.
There is a great deal of similarity in how to find someone between the gay and straight worlds except for one crucial and significant difference, flattery. It’s also for giving. And it is an important difference because it is very effective way to be more attractive. According to the book ‘Are You Normal About Sex, Love, and Relationships?’, 51% percent of single people surveyed say that flattery is the best way to attract someone. If you want to stand out from the ‘debutant’ or ‘cougar’ or ‘sperm bandit’ or ‘simply a single gal’ herd you are going to have to practice this and practice it regularly.
Where women can’t seem to start, gay men can’t seem to stop. A man’s interest is quite evident. Any man that I have dated has given me more compliments in one evening than all of the women that I ever dated have uttered over the entire course of our relationship - combined. Okay, slight exaggeration, but only slight. Men have complimented me on such areas as my lips, chest and butt and, being honest, we all know that I wouldn’t hear that coming from a woman in a bazillion years. Caution: while complimenting physical traits is where you want to end up, it is not where you want to start. Read on.) Given all of this, you would understand why I believe the flattery vacuum is enough of a concern to warrant noting in this blog.
In case it is required here is a refresher on how flattery works (if you are a woman younger than 35 my observations and experiences suggest that in all likelihood you really, really need to review this):  The compliment must be said aloud. It must be said to the man to whom the compliment refers. It is not something awful that you trudge through begrudgingly once in your life and never need to worry about again. Gird your loins; to be truly effective your efforts should be ongoing.
When it comes to compliments remember TUDS:
  1. Think.
  2. Utter.
  3. Direct.
  4. Sustain.
In the broadest sense it works a lot like criticism or even nagging - which I’m not suggesting you dole out on an ongoing basis, I’m merely providing alternate frames of reference to behaviours that you may be well versed in – for whatever reason.
Do not overdo flattery initially. As with a fasting man being fed chocolate, the sudden sweetness could put his entire system into shock. Alright, seriously, too much flattery too soon can spook a man so pepper it very lightly into a conversation.
Avoid anything to do with his looks initially because that has a high probability of setting off alarm bells. Unless he is either incredibly stupid, an egomaniac or needy or a combination thereof (any of which might be your thing – I don’t judge) you will unintentionally rouse his suspicion because sober women just don’t do that. He will believe that you are either a hooker/gold digger or dangerously unhinged alla ‘Fatal Attraction’. Start by complimenting something he’s done. Sad, I know, but true. Such is the state of flattery in straight world.

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