Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Dating like a gay man – resetting priorities

There can be a hefty amount of shallowness that goes into gay dating. So my thought for this blog post was to focus on the use of superficial selection criteria. For example, “must have a nice butt” - and yeah, something about personality. Giving it a little thought I came to the conclusion that women can be quite shallow in their own way; however to date gay, their superficiality needs some redirecting. And that is what this post is about.
I have always found it interesting in social situations how quickly a woman that I’ve just met will get around to the question of my profession. As if some caldron of primal instincts inside of her boils up: Would he, or would he not be able to keep up on future support payments for our children.
Introductory meetings can go something along the lines of:
“Hi, I’m David. How do you know the host?”
Hi, I’m Candy.  We’ve been friends since grade school. Have you tried the meatballs? And what do you do?”
Even women who are happily involved need ... N-E-E-D ... to know. I’m not sure how conscious women are of this. I’ve come to believe that the question, like blinking and breathing, is somehow tied to women’s autonomic nervous system. Unfortunately, for the sake of dating like a gay man, curbing this burning desire must be addressed. The way I see it, the benefits of your changing your approach and dating like a gay man by focusing on looks (and yeah sure, personality) are twofold.
  1. I’m really just saving you from a world of heartache, particularly if you are a younger woman. I read on some MSN news bite a while ago that successful women seek out men who are more successful. Going forward, this strategy is doomed. Fewer and fewer men are continuing on to post-secondary education. The trend shows no sign of stopping, and from what I can tell not a lot of resources are being allocated to the issue. As a woman you will very likely have the higher education relative to any man you will date and since higher education is positively correlated to salary so will you also very likely have the better paying job. In the future ... and the future is now... a young woman will have a much easier go of it finding a man whose looks she likes rather than finding a man of equivalent or better education and income. Go get yourself a hotty!  
  2. If you are a woman coming up to middle age you should be aware that all men over the age of 40 know of at least one unemployed woman who was awarded a healthy, lifetime, alimony payment, – which has been known to be bitterly referred to as private welfare. All men resent/fear/loath women like this. A man may lie to you and say that he understands and perhaps rationally he does, but nevertheless I guarantee you that his blood runs cold at the mere mention of such a scenario. By hastily inquiring about a man’s job you run the risk if only on a subconscious level of being associated with such a woman (read: pariah). It may suck – but it is true.
Realizing that totally suppressing  this powerful instinctive urge to ask a man’s occupation might be dangerous, perhaps even lethal, I have a couple of suggestions to help transition you to dating more like a gay man. First, maybe do a little reconnoitring at social events. Take the hostess aside and ask what every man in the room does for a living. That way you can feel confident that the question won’t pop out of your mouth uncontrollably during possible conversations later that evening, and you will come across to the men as being genuinely interested in them and not their wallets. Second, in addition, or alternatively, you build up your stamina over time.

Try to postpone the question until 2 minutes into the conversation, and then on your next encounter stretch it to 2 minutes and 15 seconds and so on until you plateau at perhaps 5 minutes. While the inquiry is the Neanderthal equivalent of a man staring at cleavage, and is therefore deliciously shallow, it is the wrong kind of shallow. I assure you that gay men have spent an entire evening with me without inquiring, directly or implicitly, about my occupation. Is he attractive? That should be your criteria. I realize that a man’s looks is already a factor for you, it just needs to be given a lot more weight.  
You may not understand the hubbub around asking a man about his job, so this may have to be a leap of faith on your part but I cannot advise you strongly enough – the very first time you meet a man hold back as long as possible. Even during an awkward silence.

No comments:

Post a Comment